Published Author, How does it feel?
Some days, I feel I could write another book based on the feelings I have experienced since becoming a published author. Other days, these feelings are very minimal. Empty, blank and as if this massive life achievement is not worth exposing to the world. I then start to question my achievement of becoming a published author and if I should be proud of it.
I guess, although during the process of writing I was fortunate enough to learn and understand so much about myself that I wasn't fully aware of before I put finger to keyboard, something I've never been able to shake is how much self doubt I carry. Unfortunately, this leads me to constantly question my ability to achieve. Regardless of the levels of personal success I reach, there is always a little voice inside saying "Whats the point?", "Who will want to read or listen to this?", “Should I give advise to other people without a professional background?”. I question my self worth, my ability to be a published author, and my ability to push my limits as an entrepreneur and businessman.
Completely addicted to the whole process of building my personal brand, and extremely passionate about sharing my story with the world and with the people that need it most; seemingly without choice, I push myself very hard to get the results I desire. I live with the mentality to #nevergiveup, fearing failure for so many years of my life and constantly battling the feeling of never being good enough. For who or what, I'll never know. I reach these apparent milestones and honestly, I just feel numb. The amount of praise I have received in the past 3 weeks since becoming a published author is surreal. I am SO grateful to have the amazing supportive people around me that I do. During this process of praise, I am faced with similar words to; "You must be so proud of yourself", "Congratulations, what a milestone to have achieved", "All your hard work has paid off", "What a great success". Doing my best to contain my extremely awkward feelings and looks, I say my thank you's and agree. Truth be told I actually don't know how I feel. I tell myself how big this achieve is, I remind myself to be proud, and that all the hard work and time I sacrificed to write my book has been worth it. However, unfortunately, most days I don't believe I have any feeling (positive or negative) towards what is my BIGGEST personal achievement to date.
From sitting in a grade 8 English class in High School on the Gold Coast, being told I'll never amount to anything, to writing a book and becoming a published author. I know how proud of myself I should be.
Always pushing myself in every aspect of my life, the time I have to reflect on what I am going through and have been through is extremely limited. I believe this choice has a massive effect on how I feel as a published author. I don't allow myself to stop and take it all in. Hopefully when I give myself the opportunity to do this, my perspective and how I feel will change.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me, and those who will continue to support me. I'm so grateful and thankful every day to have you all backing my book and pushing me to achieve what I once thought was impossible.