The Sacrifice Two
I guess that what I've sacrificed, and the time that has gone into this is something that continues to play on my mind. Time has become so limited in our daily lives. Often I feel as if I am living the life of one of the characters from the movie "In Time" - constantly chasing, running against the clock in an effort to work out how to gain more time.
Although I am one hundred percent happy, I took it upon myself to continue to write every day over the past two years. The amount of time I invested into this is something I will always struggle to explain. Coming to terms with how much it affected me, my wife, my friends and family, thinking of how obsessed I was, and what I've sacrificed to get to where I am is something I will always struggle to put into perspective.
I'll also never get that time back. This isn't a bad thing, it's just something that constantly has me thinking. What if the years invested in my book have had a bigger impact on my life than I’ve imagined?
There are so many things I've missed, opportunities I've passed up, events, parties, and social gatherings put to the side in an effort to make a distant dream my reality. Endless hours I could have spent with my wife, family, and friends instead of punching the keys of my keyboard. I feel like I’m playing a broken record to myself and my readers, as I know that this information and my view upon the impact of my journey is nothing new. I guess it’s effect is still quite raw and present in my mind. Struggling for the majority of my life with failure and self-doubt, the thought of exposing my story to the world, pasted to the pages of a printed book with no option to erase the words, makes me nervous.
I find myself waking at all hours of the night thinking, “What if it’s all been a waste of time? What if my vision of helping others is clouded by a miscommunicated, misjudged story?”
Although I get so nervous and frustrated, I’m constantly pulling myself up on my own thoughts of self-doubt. I continue to reassure myself that everything will be ok, reminding myself that this journey has not been a total waste of time. Even if I don't help or open the minds of others, I know I have helped myself to see brighter days. I've learned how to understand things about my mind’s movements, that I didn't know existed until I put finger to keyboard.
Until next time.....